The code and data behind xeiaso.net
My Next Life as an Imaginary Bottle of Window Cleaner
Signed-off-by: Christine Dodrill <me@christine.website>
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blog/best-friend-imaginary-bottle-window-cleaner-2021-09-24.markdown
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---
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title: "My Next Life as an Imaginary Bottle of Window Cleaner"
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date: 2021-09-24
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author: Mai
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tags:
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- isekai
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- fiction
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---
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Today was another boring day, like all the other boring days. I was almost done
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with my commute to the office, not looking forward to spending another day
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working on the same spreadsheet. I don't believe in monsters, ghosts or spirits,
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but I do believe that thing is haunted.
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"Next stop is Broughton Junction, end of the line!"
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That was my stop. I thought I got it easy by getting an apartment right next to
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the train, but I never thought that my job would move so far away. I got up with
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the others and walked my way to the exit of the station. The crowd was lifeless
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and dead today. The usual morning rush of the station I got on the train at had
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turned into a lazy slump towards the exit.
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The only solace from these doldrums was the barista at the coffee shop by the
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doors. She had such a lovely smile; sometimes it was the only thing that kept me
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going. _I wonder what her name is_, I thought to myself as I breached the
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darkness of the station and was enveloped in the light of the outside world.
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Nubypool was the financial hub of the province. My work was in the Ministry of
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Accounting, taming the beast that was their spreadsheets. As I walked towards
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the entrance of the building I looked around, seeing the gray, drab skyscrapers
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around me sully the lively deep blue above them.
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I crossed the street and walked to the double doors, but then there was a noise.
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I looked up and saw something falling towards me, then suddenly there was a loud
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noise and everything went dark.
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The darkness persisted for a while, I couldn't touch, see or hear myself. I was
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alone in a silent hell with only my thoughts to break the sheer emptiness of it
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all. Suddenly, it hit me. _I'm dead, aren't I? I'm never going to get that
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barista's number, am I?_
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A noise filled my awareness. I couldn't recognize it, but it came with a
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friendly presence. It felt like my best friend, mother, and more all in one. I
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felt like I knew this person intimately even though we had never spoken before.
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I could pick out that there were words, but nothing usable other than that.
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The words stopped after a while, and that was the saddest part of the whole
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thing. I was so alone without the words, but I didn't feel like I had any
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control over when they started. They started and stopped without any indication
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of where or when they were coming from.
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Then they started again and I knew that I needed to capitalize on this. The
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voice was going to go away if I didn't do anything about it. All I could do was
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think, so I decided to think as loud and hard as I could. I screamed in my mind.
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I would have woke the neighbors if this was in the apartment back home. Those
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thin walls would have made the entire floor wake up. I shouted and shouted like
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my life depended on it. As I shouted and screamed the darkness started to gain
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color. There was a small pinhole of light that expanded and filled my awareness
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until it grew to everywhere I could see. _Is this reincarnation?_
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As if a blindfold had been lifted, I could finally get to see myself in some
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level of detail. I looked down and all I saw was a bright poster with what
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looked like words on it. I looked behind me and I saw what appeared to be a
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poster with more smaller words. I looked to the sides and saw what appeared to
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be clear plastic with a blue liquid in it.
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I started panicking. I didn't know what was going on. _Aren't I supposed to be
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some kind of animal? Why am I this?_
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The voice started again, a lot more clearly. I could pick out the words: "So
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_that's_ why they call it a 'head pressure'! Wow I don't even know how to
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describe this feeling other than that!"
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I looked ahead and I saw a young boy, something like 18 years old. I was in some
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kind of small apartment. There was a ritual circle of some kind, I was right in
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the middle of it. Looking around there was a pentagram made out of a white and
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blue powder, cards I've never seen before and a bottle of red liquid. There was
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a mirror to the side of me though. I took a long and detailed look at myself.
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I saw an orange nozzle look back at me. There was what appeared to be a handle
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under the nozzle, looking like it was screwed on top of a bottle of...
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_No, this can't be!_
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It was screwed on top of a bottle of window cleaner.
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"I'M A BOTTLE OF WINDOW CLEANER????"
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The boy in front of me winced and grunted, my shouting must have hurt him. I
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suddenly got a feeling of fear washing over me. I felt the tip of my nozzle
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screw itself shut and my self-image vanished from the mirror. Had I interrupted
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the ritual?
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The boy composed himself and looked down at me. "So, you're the succubus I
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summoned? What's wrong with you?"
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"S...succubus? I'm not a succubus, I could swear that a few days ago I was...
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well not this. I don't know what I am other than apparently..."
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I tried to gesture at my own body but only ended up making my handle flail about
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meaninglessly, spraying a bit of blue fluid out of my nozzle. It felt like it
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had come out of my mouth. It had no taste initially, but it left a slightly sour
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taste after a moment.
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"A bottle of window cleaner??"
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"...What. How did this happen?"
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"Why are you asking me? You apparently summoned me. What did you expect to get?"
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The boy looked at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. Assuming I had
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ears that were big enough for lobsters crawling out of them that is.
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"I...what...how...okay"
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There was suddenly a knock at the door. "SHIT!", the boy said to himself without
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saying it. He started scrambling around and frantically trying to clean things.
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He swept up the white powder and put away the playing cards, but try as he might
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he couldn't grab me to put me away. His hand phased through me like I wasn't
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there. He got up and let the other person in. It was a pizza delivery person.
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The boy handed over some money and then took the pizza and placed it on top of a
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clear spot of his desk.
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I suddenly found myself on top of a metal surface. I could feel something
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spinning under me and heard the soft hum of an idle fan. I had just teleported
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across the room. "W..what, why am I here?"
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"I didn't...know that would do anything. I thought it would be nice if you were
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on top of my computer and you just appeared there." Another knock came at the
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door. There was a female voice.
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"Shit, play it cool."
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"I don't know how I can do anything other than what I am doing now, but okay."
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A woman entered the room. She appeared to be in a very skimpy outfit, showing
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off her curves. She also seemed to have a pair of demonic looking wings that she
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let open in the middle of the room. The boy awkwardly made conversation with her
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for a while. I tried to get the boy's attention by spraying at him. I definitely
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got his attention. "What're you looking at, roomie? Aren't you gonna give your
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poor roomie some pizza?"
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I didn't think she could see me. I tried spraying more. The boy looked over at
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me angrily. "Cut it out bottle, I'll throw you out with the trash if you keep
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that up!"
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"What are you talking about? I'm not a bottle, I'm hungry." She walked over to
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the pizza and grabbed a slice, pushing the boy into his desk. She looked dead at
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me when she had her slice. I don't think she saw me. She turned around and
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bumped one of her wings into the boy, causing them to fall off. "Nooo! My
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costume!"
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"That's what you get for wearing a succubus costume in a dorm hall."
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She stuck her tongue out sarcastically at the boy and picked up her wing. "Okay
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sarcasm boy, you're gonna help me get this on~. If you do I may have a fun time
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planned for you~."
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"I know what you're planning Mike. I'm not going to bang you. We agreed that I
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wouldn't before you did this."
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"No fun."
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Her name is _Mike_? I thought about it and decided that it was better to leave
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things be.
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"Hey, dude, I don't really know what's going on. Where am I? Who am I? What am
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I? Are you just gonna keep me in the dark about all of this?" I tried to direct
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this to the boy with a burst of energy, spraying him to be sure I got his
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attention.
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He looked over at me like I was cock-blocking him. I felt myself blush and
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backed off. It looks like there would be plenty of time later to get those
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questions answered.
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"Hey Conner, when are you going to get into your costume? Did the ritual I gave
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you work?"
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"Yeah...about that..."
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---
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Elsewhere at a random cleaning product factory, it was business as usual. The
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production lines were running smoothly. The trucks of cleaner continued as
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normal and every bottle was being filled at the normal rate.
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A woman in a skimpy outfit suddenly appeared on the production line, causing one
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of the workers to hit the "emergency stop" button. The woman had a demonic aura
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about her. Her bewitching gaze stunned the factory floor. She got off the
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production line and walked out of the building, with that worker in tow;
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seemingly enamored with her. _This is going to be fun~_, she thought to herself.
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config.dhall
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config.dhall
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, inSystem = True
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}
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, Author::{
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, name = "Ashe"
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, handle = "ectamorphic"
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, picUrl = None Text
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, link = None Text
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, twitter = None Text
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, inSystem = True
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}
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, Author::{
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, name = "Jessie"
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, handle = "Heartmender"
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, picUrl = Some
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, twitter = Some "BeJustFine"
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, inSystem = True
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}
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, Author::{
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, name = "Nicole"
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, handle = "Twi"
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, picUrl = None Text
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, link = None Text
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, twitter = None Text
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, inSystem = True
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}
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, Author::{ name = "Ashe", handle = "ectamorphic", inSystem = True }
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, Author::{ name = "Nicole", handle = "Twi", inSystem = True }
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, Author::{ name = "Mai", handle = "Mai", inSystem = True }
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]
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, port = defaultPort
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, clackSet = [ "Ashlynn" ]