fix: gate mention facets behind consent allowlist
parse_mentions() now accepts allowed_handles — only handles in the set
get notification-sending mention facets. all other @handles render as
plain text (visible but silent). the allowlist is {owner, bot, current
conversation participant} at every create_post call site.
also adds mention consent guidance to phi's operational instructions
so the LLM avoids @mentioning third parties in the first place.
fixes the boris incident where phi auto-resolved a handle in its reply
text and tagged someone who never interacted with the bot.
Co-Authored-By: Claude Opus 4.6 <noreply@anthropic.com>